Go thru the fire so I can come out again. A song by the United Pursuit Band echoes pretty much a great truth in my life. What I've established, where I've walked, has pretty much bought me a one-way ticket to the lion's den. I've prepped myself to be ripped apart. Prepped my ending, unbeknownst to my ignorant eyes I walked right into the darkness (Jeremiah 5:21)1. Unbeknownst to my ignorant ears I did not heed wisdom's call (Proverbs 8)2. Unbeknownst to my ignorant sense of smell, I walked right into the stench of moments declaring depravity and screaming infidelities to the one who created me for things greater (1 Tim 1:19, Eph 2:10)3. Unbeknownst to my ignorant pallet, I longed for the taste of those things that ultimately satisfied the least (in the holistic sense)4. Never even allowing myself to EXPERIENCE what God could offer to satisfy instead (Psalm 34:8)5. Never allowing myself to touch that which was divine for any state of continuum accounted for this un-knowing of the ways in which God could ultimately touch me! Unbeknownst to my ignorant hands and sense of touch, everything I had my hands in (which subsequently I touched both literally and figuratively) seemed to wither. Or worse decay over time. Or worse live on and exist in the most hypocritical state of perversion seemingly possible (Revelation 3:16)6. All this to say, if I can vouch for one quality in the Creator of the universe, it is grace. Grace defined and refined both in my life and by life. My life is both Grace-prooved and Grace-proof. Proven through the grace, and covered by grace. He is so good to me. He prevails. He wins. (Rev 5:5)7
God himself has shown up in my midsts. Unreal concept a year ago. Not anymore. I've taken the red pill. I've seen too much. I can't deny what goodness the Lord has done in my midsts, not that I would ever want to, but at times certainly life can discourage such a bold declaration, even from inside the walls of God's city. All that to say, this blogging device is indeed dedicated to sharing some of the Lord's goodness with whomever would come across, whether by invite or by divine coincidence.8 For starters though, I'd like to provide my own "Story of Grace" to set the backdrop for the rest of whatever is to come.
I grew up blessed for sure. Not necessarily so much in terms of money. But I was loved tremendously and never went for wanting. Every family has root issues, just junk in between them, often passed down through the ages (alcoholism, bitterness, abandonment, etc) but my inner core is pretty blessed. I have a great earthly daddy and a mother who loves me to a fault. I realize not everyone has this, in fact more that don't than do I've come to believe, and for this I was grateful regardless of Jesus. I grew up in church though. Like all God-fearing parents, my rents pursued raising me with the utmost intention of Christian morality and sense for what is right. They raised me not to see color even though generational biases should naturally affect that thought. Growing up in a different generation holds it grounds in EVERY generation, but this is probably why black and white culture often mesh for me often. I didn't grow up in the hood, or have a high-level of urban influences but I don't have any issues engaging
it or being a part of it and that plays out in my life and my style and subsequently my lifestyle. I'll marry a green girl for all I care but just so long as she reminds me to love God more than her.
it or being a part of it and that plays out in my life and my style and subsequently my lifestyle. I'll marry a green girl for all I care but just so long as she reminds me to love God more than her.Even through Macon's grody (....See Definition #2) lens, I experienced a great childhood. Said a prayer when I was 12. Meant it. Severely. But was completely scared to death and motivated to pray because I was sure that I did not want to go to Hell (who does? other than Young Jeezy ..."when I get to hell lord knows I'm gone fry" WHAT!? you want that brother? anyways). Saw no fruit for years. That's an issue (Matthew 7:16-20)9 At 15, I was at IMPACT, a camp I dearly cherish to this day, and went because my friends Ellen Knott and Laura Myrick had told me the previous year when they went that there were a ton of really pretty girls there I would love to meet. (Thanks to Ellen and Laura for being instrumental in God's plan for me). And there were. A lot. But Jesus had much more apparently to offer than them. A counselor encouraged me to just be open, and I did, and God showed up huge in radical and undeniable ways to a teenager admist a life and style that cried out for the complacent poster child award and denied any thing he couldn't control . I surrendered whatever dreams, thoughts, plans, hopes to Christ at that moment. Stuff shifted. I started to see people differently, through a different lens. God made me an encourager. On the spot. Shifted natural overflowing desires from wanting to put down, make fun, ridicule, point out faults in everyone to sympathize, empathize, see hurt, and encourage. I DID NOT force this. This shift occurred somehow and flowed out of me. Evidence of God's power.
Fast forward to high school. Def. a Christian kid. Prayed before games, led (haha that word needs quotations marks "led" when you juxtapose it with what Jesus said about "leading") my teams spiritually, etc etc had a christian girlfriend, tried not to make out TOO much, be willing to argue those who didn't believe what I believed, whatever shallow spiritual means accessible to my spiritual infant self. Just shallow Jesus (oxymoron in its purest sense). I'm sure I turned many people off to true Jesus. I also squandered away favor that had been built up w/ friends who I'd known for over a decade, never caring enough to love them towards Jesus. But it's all good. God's stuff gets done, and will get done, regardless of Jesse (Job 42:2, Proverbs 19:21)10.
He just GRACEs me the opportunity to be a part of his stuff sometimes.
Went to college, having been a very much involved but shallow (for the most part, there were moments were I opened my spirit to God stuff and he responded as he promises but those were few and far between --- usually spanning from large organized youth group event to large organized youth group event). Went to play baseball. Freshmen year was depressed because of a failing intimate friendship (only held there by her parents) and epic failing somehow worse at baseball. Thank God he sent Chuck Peek to love me. He added Ryan and Danielle Snider in that mix for company and Matt Peek as a divine next door dormmate. I can still remember a post-it note Matty wrote me as he heard me crying through the walls one night. Hey man praying for you. Simple brotherhood. Had my script flipped after I lost what I thought my identities were. Jesus woke me up when I was 19 with the realization that up to this point it had been all about me. This was not scriptural. We are created for HIS glory, not ours. I allowed this to affect my entire thought process and a paradigm shift soon set in.
We still have choice though. To sum an excruciatingly painful, demoralizing, and utterly frustrating to any human who saw Jesus in me time in my life (and I was for certain at the time that God was definitely mostly frustrated at me) I pretty much chose flesh over spirit all the time for the next 3 years. Amidst ministries, amidst LEADERSHIP in ministries (not just attending worship services) admist leadership in ministries and even being USED (See...that hurts. Because everything that I know about life tells me you get what you deserve. But God doesn't operate on the same wavelengths. He is full of abundant amounts of grace) in those ministries to love on people and see life change. I was meandering through 2 or 3 relationships with girls where they deserved much better out of me than what I was giving them. Only by God's grace am I am able to accept that they are in His hands, not mine. Jesse can miss opportunities, but Jesus NEVER drops the ball.
It took God waking me up one day in the last of those 2 or 3, not at any worship service or any really climatic spiritual moment, and speaking to me very clearly..."You are a little boy. You live irresponsibly, you live selfishly, you live ignorantly. You claim to be a man. You are a boy. I've called you to be a man." That relationship ended that day. It took God moving me to a new scene, new opportunity, new community (not that I have any withdraws about the blessings from the old---certainly not trashing the baby w/ the bathwater here) to really get me open to letting him clean me up. I was absolutely in Christ. I was absolutely not however living engaged, plugged into the power source that I knew dwelt within me. I moved to Athens 14 months ago. God has done some insane things in my life and around me since then. I'm pretty sure he always worked in mysterious ways throughout my previous 22 years I just decided I would open my eyes and ears to this marvel (Matthew 13:16)11. We've seen salvation, we've seen discipleship, we've seen miracles, we've seen healing (emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and even physically), we've seen encouragement, we've seen leadership not abused, we've seen the unwise become wise, we've been blessed. All this moment brought to you by the grace of God made perfect in our weakness, offered through faith in the Son, administered through a life with the Spirit. God's stuff is happening all around but opening my eyes to see and ears to hear it took some time.
This blog is dedicated to sharing the CRAZY good things that Jesus is doing in my midsts.
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1 Jeremiah 5:21 --- Hear this, you foolish and senseless people, who have eyes but do not see, who have ears but do not hear (NIV)
2 Proverbs 8 --- 1 Listen as Wisdom calls out! Hear as understanding raises her voice! 2 On the hilltop along the road, she takes her stand at the crossroads. 3 By the gates at the entrance to the town, on the road leading in, she cries aloud, 4 “I call to you, to all of you! I raise my voice to all people. 5 You simple people, use good judgment. You foolish people, show some understanding. 6 Listen to me! For I have important things to tell you. Everything I say is right, 7 for I speak the truth and detest every kind of deception. 8 My advice is wholesome. There is nothing devious or crooked in it. 9 My words are plain to anyone with understanding, clear to those with knowledge. 10 Choose my instruction rather than silver, and knowledge rather than pure gold. 11 For wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it. (NLT)
3 1 Tim 1:19 --- 19 Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked. (NLT)
Eph 2:10 --- 10For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. (NASB)
4 I say "holistic" here to clarify an idea that says that sin is not enjoyable. It is. To say that sin
or that which is associated w/ sin is not fun is a lie. It is. To say that it SIMPLY doesn't satisfy I believe to be misleading. It satisfies but ONLY temporarily. It leaves the user more addicted, thirsty, and hungry than before they were "satisfied". That doesn't echo the process of being "fed" in general. I have come to find that God is the only satisfying thing that not only FULLY satisfies but satisfies completely...in the holistic sense.
5 Psalm 34:8 --- 8 Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him! (NLT)
6 Revelation 3:16 --- 16 But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! (NLT)
7 Rev 5:5 --- 5and one of the elders said to me, "Stop weeping; behold, the Lion that is from the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has overcome so as to open the book and its seven seals." (NASB)
8 In the words of roomy Phil Goodwin..."God-incedences". Random doesn't exist. I've seen too much to say w/ any honesty that it does.
9 Matthew 7:16-20 --- 16 You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. 18 A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. 19 So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. 20 Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions. (NLT)
10 Job 42:2 --- 2 "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. (NIV)
Proverbs 19:21 --- 21 You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.
11 Matthew 13:16 --- 16 “But blessed are your eyes, because they see; and your ears, because they hear.
